Nobody wants to be high-maintenance about food. But I am. Ever since I’ve been GF DF and fragrance free.
But when you’re gluten free and dairy free, social eating stops being simple. Birthday meals, work lunches, dinner at someone’s house, grabbing food with friends – it all requires a bit more thought.
And yeah, sometimes you feel like you’re being difficult. Or awkward. Or like you’re making everything about you and your dietary requirements.
Going on holiday all inclusive and being the one getting shown all the dishes on offer by the chef personally. Yep -that’s me. Super extra.
Here’s how to navigate it without losing your mind or your social life.
Restaurants: do your homework
The days of just showing up and ordering whatever looks good are gone, unfortunately.
But you can make it easier on yourself:
Check the menu beforehand. Most places have menus online. Have a look before you get there so you’re not panicking when everyone else is ordering.
Look for places with actual options, not just salad. Asian restaurants (Thai, Japanese, Vietnamese) tend to be easier. Pizza places often do gluten free bases now. Steakhouses usually have plain grilled options.
Ring ahead if you need to. I know it feels extra, but if you’re going somewhere for a special occasion, a quick call to ask about gluten free and dairy free options can save a lot of stress on the night.
Don’t apologise excessively. When the waiter asks about allergies or dietary requirements, just be clear and polite. “I need gluten free and dairy free, please” is fine. You don’t need to explain your life story or say sorry seventeen times.
The “Can you eat anything?” question
You’ll get this a lot. Usually from well-meaning people who genuinely don’t know what gluten free and dairy free actually means.
Keep the answer simple: “Yeah loads of stuff – just no wheat or dairy. So like, meat, fish, rice, potatoes, vegetables, fruit. I’m good with most things, just have to check sauces and that.”
Don’t launch into a detailed explanation of what gluten is or why you can’t have dairy unless they specifically ask. Most people are just being polite and don’t actually want a biology lesson.
Eating at someone’s house: the tricky one
This is where it gets awkward, because you don’t want to be rude or seem ungrateful, but you also don’t want to spend the evening in pain.
Tell them in advance. As soon as you’re invited, mention it casually: “That sounds lovely, just so you know I’m gluten and dairy free – happy to bring something or keep it simple!”
Offer to bring a dish. Takes the pressure off them and guarantees you’ll have something to eat. Bring enough to share so it doesn’t look like you’re just feeding yourself.
Be gracious if they’ve tried. Even if what they’ve made isn’t quite right or you’re not sure about ingredients, appreciate the effort. You can always eat before or after if needed.
It’s okay to politely decline food. If someone’s made something and you’re not sure if it’s safe, “It looks lovely but I’ll have to pass, I’m really sensitive” is perfectly acceptable. Don’t eat something you know will make you ill just to be polite.
Work events and buffets
Office lunches, work buffets, team meals – all slightly hellish when you’re free-from.
Buffets: Stick to the obvious safe stuff. Plain meat, salad, fruit. Avoid anything with sauce unless you can confirm what’s in it. Yes it’s boring, but it’s also safe.
Team lunches: Suggest places you know work for you when it’s your turn to choose. When it’s not, just do your best with the menu.
Don’t make a big deal of it. Quietly tell the organiser or the waiter about your requirements, but you don’t need to announce it to the whole table.
Eat beforehand if you need to. Sometimes it’s just easier to have something at home and then just have a small safe option at the event. You’re there for the people, not the food anyway.
Parties and gatherings
Birthdays, barbecues, family gatherings – there’s always food, and it’s not always food you can eat.
Bring your own backup. Throw some safe snacks in your bag. For me it’s CRISPS! I mean if you have to just take rice cakes, a bar of something if I’m desperate. Means you won’t be starving if there’s nothing you can have. I’ve been there when it’s been a wheat sandwich only party and I’m there scoffing on the crisps in the corner.
Focus on what you can have. At a barbecue? Plain burgers (no bun), grilled chicken, salad. At a party? Crisps (check the label), fruit, vegetables and dip (if it’s safe). There’s usually something.
Don’t hover near the food looking sad. If there’s nothing you can eat, that’s fine. Get a drink, talk to people, enjoy yourself anyway. Your dietary requirements don’t have to be the main event.
When people don’t get it
Some people will understand immediately. Others will act like you’ve just announced you only eat purple food on Tuesdays.
You’ll get the usual responses:
- “Oh that’s so hard, I could never give up cheese/bread”
- “Can’t you just have a little bit?”
- “Is it an allergy or just a preference?”
- “Have you tried [insert random cure]?”
How to deal:
Keep it brief. “Yeah it’s not ideal but you get used to it.”
Don’t get defensive. They’re usually not trying to be difficult; they just don’t understand.
Change the subject. Most people are happy to talk about something else.
The “just have a little bit” people
This one’s annoying because they mean well, but they’re basically asking you to make yourself ill to make them feel better.
Firm but friendly: “I appreciate it, but even a small amount makes me feel rough. I’m good though, thanks!”
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t need to prove how sensitive you are. “No thanks” is a complete sentence.
Dating and new relationships
This adds a whole extra layer because you don’t want to seem high-maintenance, but you also need to, you know, eat.
First dates: Suggest somewhere you know has options. Coffee dates are easy. Casual restaurants with varied menus work well.
Be upfront early on: “Just so you know, I’m gluten and dairy free” – say it casually, don’t make it a big thing. If they’re weird about it, you’ve learned something useful.
Cooking for each other: Show them it’s not actually that complicated. Make something delicious that happens to be free-from. They’ll realise it’s not all lettuce and sadness.
Family who don’t believe you
This is its own special category of frustrating.
Relatives who think you’re being fussy. Who says “a little bit won’t hurt”? Who put butter in everything and then act surprised when you can’t eat it.
Pick your battles. If it’s a one-off meal, you can probably survive on sides and safe bits. If it’s regular, you might need to have a proper conversation.
Bring your own food if you need to. Yes, it’s annoying, but it’s less annoying than being hungry or ill.
Don’t argue. You won’t convince someone who doesn’t want to understand. Just quietly do what you need to do.
The main thing
You’re not being difficult. You’re feeding yourself in a way that keeps you well.
Yes, it adds a layer of complication to social eating. But it doesn’t have to ruin it.
Be clear about what you need, be gracious when people try to help, and don’t apologise for taking care of yourself.
The right people won’t make it weird. And the ones who do? That says more about them than it does about you.
